1. -> to buy a camera so that my project finally gets going;
2. -> to get better at drawing, draping and as a wanabee fashionista (even at part-time :));
3. -> to do good in college, give myself more to Biology;
4. -> to take care of P. as much (or hopefully even more) as he has taken care of me;
5. -> to buy a pair of high heels and wear them as much as I currently wear my brown All-Stars :D;
6. -> to smile more, particularly at college (it is tough to be happy through tough times);
7. -> to actually USE my weekly planner for 2009 (aka be more organized);
8. -> to save up some money;
9. -> cherish my parents for they are 60'ish, and that plus me not being financially independent makes me worry a bit for the future;
10. -> to get my license done;
11. -> to sort my bedroom - clean it up, sort through the mess, paint it... make it the way I want to but never could have;
12. -> to find myself, who I am, my place in the world.

Happy new year everyone, I hope that all your wishes are fullfilled and that you accomplish even more than in the last one :)

Ana.

So here I am. At 1am in the morning, needing to finish a toxicology poster (at least my bit of it) but honestly not wanting to... because I am quite fed up of all this studying drab.

In all honesty? I don't know, that's my problem. I don't know what I want, what I want to be.

Basically the way it works here in my country is that, when you turn 14 (9th grade) you are told to choose an area. Some schools (like mine) tried to help their students by providing testing (logic, IQ, left side/right side of brain, you name it) in order to guide a person.

Mine told me half to Arts, half to Sciences. Hilarious huh? The lady who tested me though, after reading all my essays, my tests and all my paperworks, told me "hmm... nevermind the results, I believe you'd fit better into Arts."

I followed everyones advice and got into Science. I chose my future based on the number of degrees the flyer had for each area. I spent the next 3 years frantically trying to choose a degree - I wasn't the doctor type, neither fit to be a nurse, didn't like engineering so, what to choose? - finally 6 months before ending high school I chose.

Molecular and Celular Biology - quite the pompous name huh? It sounded good, I really liked all the Mendel laws, genetics and all the microscope classes from high school, so it would all go smoothly...

I didn't get in. Didn't try enough - bad entrance exams. Instead I went to Applied Chemistry. All big pompous names. Spent 3 years there trying to get past my first year of degree, made my best friends there.

In 2006 found the courage to change - I now am in the degree I chose. 3 years past, I'm in the 2nd and a half year of it.

All my colleagues are children, I can't connect to them without dumbing myself down. And my friends? I don't see them anymore, just from time to time - on every occasion I try to savour it as much as I can, for they are truly missed.

They are 19. I'm 23. Some of them are so arrogant I want to slap them silly, but I refrain while asking for divine judgment in the end.

On many ocasions I want to go back in time and clean up this mess... but I can't. I should've been a fashionista :]

But I actually like many of the things I study... Now what?